Summer Schedule

Several of you sweet mamas have asked where I landed on the scheduling continuum for our summer break - after I posted about our easy default to chaos during Spring Break.  The truth is - our summer is broken into two halves: the before Baby half and the after Baby half. So, I made a schedule, and we plan, and we play, but I know that things will look different when our little one arrives.  We will not be going on bike rides with a newborn, or taking all-day adventures.  We'll be enjoying sprinklers, and building forts in the yard, and having picnics on our porch. So... the schedule I created is really only for the next five weeks - and one of those weeks is VBS at church. 

Basically, I wanted to balance outdoor family adventure days with quieter home days where reading and rest were paramount.  The kids have swimming Tuesday and Thursday mornings, and Elisa and Sadie can also go on Fridays (we're holding Fridays as optional).  Mondays are our "long bike ride day," and Wednesdays are "adventure in the park" day. On those days, I expect that Hope will take a short nap either in the chariot, the backpack or the car, so we are not rushing to be home for rest time.  Our "home" days hold lots of outdoor play, Bible time, quiet rest, a reading time with Mom for the big kids while Hope is still napping, and a few extra chores. I am trying to relax a bit on some of the chores I do daily during the school year - 'cause, ya know, life is short. 

Our priorities? Outdoor Play, Exercise, Reading, Discipleship, and Responsibility.  I want to capture my kiddos' hearts as we make memories, get wet, and eat ice cream together.  I want to read with them, pray with them, and just snuggle them til they squeal. 

Obviously, I am a little Type A, but my kiddos also seem to thrive where routine reigns. If they know Monday is bike day, they don't balk.  I also want my kids to have time with friends, but, to be honest, I am limiting that a little. I can't reach their hearts if we spend every day at the park with a gazillion other moms and kids - where they run wild and I chit-chat.  I want to do some adventures with buddies, and some adventures where it is just me and the girls, sharing time and crafting memories.  And, I don't love dropping them off for playdates; I would much rather do things all together, with the other family. Is it just our family, or do playdates always seem to backfire into bad attitudes? We do them occasionally, but it is definitely not my preference, unless it is for a specific babysitting need. I feel like my kids are still young, and they need some level of supervision and guidance as they navigate friendships - not unlimited freedom.  I may be a bit on the protective side. :) It's all a balance. 

 And, just for fun. Cause we all like to stand on our heads, apparently. :) 34.5 weeks pregnant. This headstand lasted all of 1.5 seconds. :)

Green Eggs and Ham

I wish I would have taken a photo of our lunch today. I thought of it too late - when the eggs were half eaten and the plates were messy with pancake debris. But, just for fun, I thought I'd share it with you, because it was quick, easy, and yummy. Most importantly, it was fun. 

My new favorite pancake recipe is from the Trim Healthy Mama cookbook. My kids love it too! Basically, it is equal parts oats, cottage cheese, and egg whites, with a touch of baking powder, all pureed in the blender.  It makes a tasty, thin pancake that can also double as a high protein bread option. Yum! I quickly blended the pancake mix, and while the first batch sizzled on the griddle, I rinsed the blender before filling it with eggs and several cups of fresh spinach. The result of that high-speed mix was a very green, frothy sort of muck that I then scrambled.  At this point, Raina was going, "Mom? What are you feeding me??" But I diced some ham, threw it in with the eggs on the stove, and then wrapped the green egg mixture in the pancakes. 

When the kids balked, I said, "Wait. Remember Sam I Am?" I ran upstairs for the Dr. Seuss anthology, and, while the girls erupted in high pitched giggles, I started to read. Raina took one bite every time she saw the picture of green eggs and ham in the book. And soon, she was spooning eggs off my plate, 'cause she wanted more. :) 

And, when the doctor asked, at their afternoon check-ups, if they eat a good variety of grain, protein, and veggies, I could say an emphatic and honest "yes."  Spinach served with a story. What could be better?

What is Sacred?

The other day, I was watching my little munchkins shove Lego people inside of old collectible model cars that once decorated my grandpa's bookshelves.  As they rammed the cars into walls and shot them fast and furious across the carpet, I chuckled a little. 'Cause, clearly, I wasn't keeping those heirloom collectibles as sacred possessions. They are memories of my grandpa, to be sure, but, since I don't fancy keeping cars on my own bookshelves as untouchable decorations, I figure they might as well be enjoyed as toys.  They can be special reminders - and they can also be used.

It made me wonder, what do I hold sacred in our home? I can be pretty relaxed about a lot of things. Like - when we have a fancy tea party, I let the two year old have a fine china cup. And if it breaks, I don't stress about that small loss. I let my kids play outdoors in whatever clothes they want. If Grandma just bought a flouncy satin Christmas dress and they want to wear it all day, every day, that is fine with me. They don't have to save it for a special occasion. I also let them wear my clothes, tightened with safety pins, if they are in the mood. Mama's closet isn't sacred. :) Those art supplies I bought specifically for Raina's kindergarten art program? They are mostly used up. I couldn't say no! Art supplies didn't seem like sacred ground, and I can always buy more.  The baby items we have begun to store up for our new little one? They're not sacred either. Baby dolls can be wrapped in swaddle blankets and if Hope wants to swing her stuffies for hours in the hand-me-down swing, that's fine! Do my kids want to jump in the pond wearing their clothes - just because it's 75-degrees out? Okay. We'll do some more laundry. I don't fret about stains, or dents, or broken dishes. I throw away a lot of school projects and little girl art because I don't like to store it. I save "special" projects and pictures, but I don't hold every creation as sacred. But, there are lots of things I do hold sacred in our home. 

Like family meals. 

And bedtime stories. There are nights when we don't do stories - like when we have AWANA and don't get home until past bedtime. Or, when we choose to stay up late playing Settlers of Cataan instead.  Or on our once-a-month or so family movie nights. But, most nights, story hour is truly sacred ground. It might just be a Bible story from a picture Bible, or it might be a few chapters of a cherished read-aloud, or it might be a stack of picture books. But, we read. 

Outdoor play. That's pretty important around here. 

Afternoon rest. Even the big girls, when home on off-days or weekends, know that 1:00 is quiet time. It's been tradition for so long, they just do it - even though I don't ask or require it. They find a snuggle spot and a book and spend 45 minutes or an hour in quiet.  This is our anchor - our reset button. And it is sacred. 

Praying before school. I forget occasionally, and someone usually pipes up, just as I am turning into the parking lot, "Pray, Mommy!" You know it's a sacred family habit when they call you out on it. 

Having the dishes done before I go to bed. That is a sacred habit I can't break.  I think I wouldn't sleep if I knew my sink was full of dirty dishes. :) 

What is sacred in your home? What specific traditions, habits, or rules tether your family? I know some of ours are silly and personal and not necessarily universal. Like, it's really OK if you leave the dinner dishes to just do with the breakfast ones.  But we all have our negotiables and our non-negotiables. Our sacred and our common.  Folded laundry on the back of the couch? Sure, all the time.  But, dishes? Never. :)

Accepting Our Children

 A year or so ago, I came across a book by Rachael Carman called How to Have a H.E.A.R.T. for your Children. I loved it. This homeschooling mom of seven had so much insight to share, and she shared it with tender humor and such clear love for her kiddos.  I kept thinking I wanted to plan a mom's tea and use her acronym as a springboard for a devotional/discussion time, but I never did it. Something about busyness and weariness and being terrified of speaking in front of groups. 

The section of her book that most pierced my heart was the 'A' chapter. Acceptance.  She talked about accepting our children as gifts - about speaking of them as treasures, about responding with joy when the Lord fills our wombs with His priceless creations.  But, beyond the general acceptance of our children as gifts from the Lord (and the never referring to an unexpected blessing as an 'oops!'), she also wrote about accepting the unique design of our individual children.  It seems obvious; we would never reject our children, would we? But it spoke profoundly to me.

If you are anything like me, you dreamed of being a mom.  And you thought your children would emerge from the womb sweet, compliant, utterly delightful, and very much like yourself in personality. Don't get me wrong. There are many aspects of my flawed personality that I hoped my husband's chromosomes would overpower. But, I did not imagine they would be so completely different than me in personality and will.  I also think I forgot that every new baby is born into sin. :)

I have one sweet daughter who is so different from her mama. She is not a quiet people-pleaser.  She is not naturally prone to give others the right-of-way.  She is strong and brash, and feisty. She is more rough-and-tumble than gentle and calm (though in some contexts she is a very tender nurturer).  There are many facets of every personality, but I have to admit, there are times when I have wondered (mid-battle, when those particular traits rear strong) how on earth this wonderful, wily child is actually flesh of my flesh. And I have begged the Lord to change her. 

Rachael's book convicted my heart.  God did not err when He knit the complex personality of my little girl. He didn't mess up. He created her with a purpose. A plan. And all of those traits that I struggle to tame and to accept are a part of His perfect plan for her little life. 

So, I had to pray. I had to acknowledge before God that I had sinned by wishing He had made His child differently.  I had to open my hands and pray for an ability to accept my little girl whole-heartedly, recognizing that her personality is a gift, and not a curse. She was not just created to teach me patience, but to bring God glory! And she will bring Him glory through the grid of her unique personality.

All of us tend towards sinfulness in certain areas - natural bents toward particular struggles. So, there are times when my daughter's personality leads her to sin in particular ways. But, I am learning that my job and my prayer is not to change her quirks and characteristics; it is to direct her to use them in God-honoring ways instead of following selfish patterns.  It's to channel her unique design and teach her to use her bright-eyed determination in His ways.

Oh, my four girls are so different from one another. And they are so different from me! And while I tell them daily that they are my delight and my treasure (and I mean it!) there are times when it is hard to delight in them.  I want to take those aspects of who they are that drive me crazy and just tweak 'em a little.  But instead I need to thank God for the unique ways He molded their hearts and minds, and pray for wisdom to disciple them in the right ways - to reach their hearts and partner with Him in shaping them for His glory. I have no idea how He will use them - but I believe He will.  And as God is teaching me to accept them - just as they are - I am trying to instill that thought in their brains.  "God has plans for you. Dream big! How do you think He wants to use you, today?" 

I love my girls! But I have much to learn about cultivating their hearts and minds for God's glory as I accept their uniqueness and love them for who they are.

Learning to Read

Teaching my girls to read is one of my greatest joys in life. I love, love, love to read. And I love, love, love reading to my children. There is nothing better than a rainy day and a basket of books to share. I wanted to share a little about the different journeys to "fluent reader" that my daughters have taken - because the path has looked different for all of them, and I didn't expect that! 

I learned to read when I was very young, and from my mom's stories, I learned without much assistance.  It just came naturally.  So, I think I was caught off guard to discover that reading is very much a process of learning - not an automatic skill. 

When I first began to ponder homeschooling options, I decided quickly that clear phonics was my preferred route, rather than sight-word teaching. Funny thing? I didn't really know phonics! :) I had to learn the sounds of the seventy basic phonograms, and I am still muddling through some of the more complicated, extra ones. I ended up trying several different programs, reading many books, and eventually learning that the process and the methods need to look a little different for every kiddo. 

With Elisa, I used primarily The Ordinary Parent's Guide to Teaching Reading. This book by Jessie Wise has scripted, short lessons which are phonics-based but contained enough of a story and game component to keep my Ellie-girl interested.  She loved reading stories with Mom, so she was excited to learn - but it came painstakingly.  It was hard work! Decoding was a challenge, but her progress was steady. Sometime near the end of kindergarten, Ellie had a breakthrough. She realized that all those phonics drills and sentences were teaching her to read! She grabbed a chapter book off the shelf and read most of Sarah, Plain and Tall to herself when we thought she was sleeping. Ta-da! She could read.  

Sadie was my girl who just wanted to snuggle and hear Mama read. She didn't want to learn letter sounds. She didn't want to practice sounding out words.  Learning her first 26 phonograms took a long time, and it was a struggle. The Ordinary Parent's Guide was a flop for her. She needed the motivation of complete stories, and something a bit more "colorful" than those scripted lessons in black and white. Enter All About Reading.  We used the first two levels of All About Reading during late Pre-K and Kindergarten. They are fantastic, holistic, fun, and have super cute (though still black and white) story books, along with simple games to play. Sadie made slow progress - eventually learning to decode simple words.  Often, I would help her out by reading one page, then having her read the next. She needed that reward of listening to Mommy instead of struggling through a whole story on her own.  Late in kindergarten, a friend from our co-op shared that her sister (in New Mexico) had just published a series of Bible readers.  Sadie loves the Bible - so I thought they might boost her excitement a bit. We followed the recommendations to read each story several days in a row, and somehow, the combination of repetition and her love for God's Word worked a little miracle.  Her fluency dramatically improved, and she began to take pride (and joy) in reading out loud.  By the time we finished the seven book series (found at Me and Thee Studios online) Sadie was reading well. She entered first grade as an avid reader - reading well above grade level. She still prefers picture books to chapter books, though, because she has such a sensitive little heart and can't handle anything intense or scary. 

Raina just turned five. She was jumping at the bit to start a phonics program, and, because I thought she might go to kindergarten at JHCA, I was eager to teach her early reading skills at home during this pre-K year. I wanted to have the joy of seeing that little light turn on. So, I set a goal of teaching her to read this year.  It turned out that I didn't need to set that goal - because she already had her heart set on accomplishing it.  We started with All About Reading and quickly raced through Level One. By the time I started Level Two with her, she could sit down and just read the storybooks - fluently and with ease. There was very little of that halting, painstaking, slow decoding. She just started to read. Because my older kiddos' learned much more incrementally, that still amazes me. Today, she can pick up chapter books from big sisters' shelves (she loves Ramona and the new Amelia Bedelias) and read a chapter without much help.  She just loves it. Like a duck to water, that one.  She is actually going to stay at home with me for kindergarten while the older two continue at the Classical Academy, and I am so grateful.

My three girls are so different! I think I expected reading to be a bit more formulaic that it has proved in our family.  The resources we have used have been wonderful - but the journeys to reading fluency were so different.  If you are teaching little ones to read - my encouragement is to enjoy reading to them as much as you can, trusting that a love for stories will eventually grow into reading ability.  For most kiddos, learning phonics is key to being a proficient reader - but every child will learn at a different pace, and different tools might spark their interests. I did not expect repetition to be so key for my Sadie; in fact I steered away from it initially because I wanted her to be decoding phonics, not memorizing words! Do what works for your children! Make the everyday reading lesson non-negotiable (if you are at that point), but bracket it with lots of snuggles, stories, and praise. Make tea, nestle close, and pray for patience and grace - because, honestly, even though reading with our kids is a delight, it can also be a challenge.  Listening to a new reader sound out consonant-vowel-consonant words for twenty minutes can feel sort of tortuous without a dose of supernatural patience.  It takes a bit of intentionality to revel in the process and not feel frustrated by a lack of progress.  Purpose and pray to enjoy it - whether they are advanced or perhaps a bit uninterested.

Happy Reading! 

A Few Good Reads

I always have a stack of books I am working through, and I am sure you do, too.  Right now, I am making my way through a few leftovers I bought with Christmas money, a couple re-reads, and a couple I bought off Christianbook.com when their bargain bin was on sale (making a few slightly imperfect books less that 4$ each).

I always enjoy hearing what others are reading, so I thought I'd share my stack with you.

• Sally Clarkson, Own Your Life.  It's no secret that I feel a strong sense of kinship with Sally Clarkson. Her books have shaped so much of my philosophy of parenting, and she is such a gentle-spirited, wise lady.  While Own Your Life is not my favorite of her many books, it is still wonderful. My husband took issue with the title, because he said (and I agree), "we are not supposed to own our lives. We're supposed to surrender them to Christ." The truth is, Sally's thesis is actually that taking ownership of lives and choosing to live intentionally in every realm is done by first submitting to the Lord.  Her encouragement is choose to live with bold faith and deep intention - to not allow our lives to be wasted. It's a great book that goes beyond her messages on motherhood to encompass all stages of life.  
• Gloria Furman, Treasuring Christ When your Hands are Full.  I love, love, love this book. Sometimes I read a book on motherhood, and, instead of encouraging me, I feel weighed down by the heavy load of all I "ought" to be doing. Have you been there? Gloria doesn't try to tell you how to be a good mama. Instead, she focuses on how the gospel message intersects with each and every motherhood challenge. She is refreshingly real and honest about the messes of daily life with little ones - and she points mothers to Christ, who is supreme over every challenge or disaster. 
• Serene Allison and Pearl Barrett, Trim Health Mama. A few friends have been raving about this book, so I decided I'd better check it out.  I am pretty cautious when it comes to nutrition books - because I know it is easy to jump on the bandwagon of a certain fad and then discover that the research was wrong and that a more balanced approach is wiser.  Also - my husband strongly discourages major changes in our family's eating.  I have tried over the years to make changes in certain areas, but I have learned that I best honor him when I balance healthy, whole-food meals with tasty treats and moderate amounts of fats and sugar.  This book is a  balanced and humorous approach to eating wisely while still incorporating every food group. I am actually thoroughly enjoying it! 
• John MacArthur, The Silent Shepherd. I greatly appreciate MacArthur's theology and I love using his study Bible to help me through tough passages of Scripture. This book on the ministry of the Holy Spirit is helpful and sound...  but I have to admit that if I read it in bed, I fall asleep. :) 
•  The Duggars, A Love that Multiplies. We don't have TV, so I am not a Duggar follower. But, I think Michelle Duggar is an amazing mama, and, as our family grows, I feel like I need to glean from the organizational tips and tricks of women who manage large families well. Five kiddos is a small family compared to theirs, but it seems big as I ponder the chaos that already consumes our home at times.  This book was an easy read, full of personal stories and lots of wisdom about handing life's challenges with patience and grace.  I want to read their first book, now, because I think it has more of the practical tidbits I was looking for.  
• Francis Chan, You and Me Forever.  Erik and I have been reading through this one simultaneously.  As always, Chan approaches his topic with an eternal perspective. Marriage is not meant to be just enjoyed; it is meant to display the Gospel. We are still near the beginning, but I am excited about studying and growing together. 

What's in your book stack? 

The Gift of Submission

My husband is wonderful. Have I ever mentioned that? :) He is a godly, honorable man with strength and integrity, self-discipline, courage, and just plain smarts. He is compassionate and caring, and I am so thankful to be married to him. Submission to such a man usually comes easily. Our goals and visions tend to be aligned, and it is easy for us to agree on both the big-picture decisions and the nitty-gritty day to day ones.  In ten years of marriage, we have found our preferences bending to one another - which makes the daily decision making even simpler. 

But, what happens when we don't agree? When our thoughts and hearts are totally in discord, when the way we process a particular decision is completely opposing? What then? 

Recently, this happened. I am going to be careful not to share the details of our decision-making, because I know I could easily find myself trying to garner support for my preference while degrading Erik's arguments.  And I want to honor him in every way as I share a process that I am learning and growing through. Right now.  So... suffice it to say, the decision that halted us in our typically unified steps was a biggie. One about our kiddos, and our long-term vision for our family.  We talked, and I cried.  And we talked some more, and I cried some more. And weeks went by, and it was crunch time. I felt so clearly that the Lord was leading us in one direction. And Erik disagreed. Unflinchingly.

Finally, on the night when we had to make this decision, I said, "Honey, we are not going to reach consensus on this. We are so far apart. It is time for me to step back and just let you decide. You are the head of our household and I have to trust your leadership. I have to submit." 

So, I curled up in a ball and wept while Erik forged my signature on a document he didn't want to make me sign (yup, I just admitted that). 

A couple of weeks passed, and we didn't discuss the decision again - until a second document was due. He hadn't changed his mind, and, even though my will was submitted to his, my heart was also unchanged.  I had (and still have) no peace about the decision. I was in turmoil and heartache as he continued to move forward. 

So - what do you do? The question I have found myself asking and praying about in the last weeks is, "Lord, how do I submit to a decision I disagree with in a way that strengthens our marriage rather than tears it down?" 

I am still praying that. Daily. The Lord may turn my heart and I may see that my husband's leadership was spot on - that he was bravely following what he knew to be right, and I was wrong. Or, it may be that, eventually, Erik will decide that I was right, and he'll take measures to back up and alter the course.  I don't know what the future holds. But, from a clear, biblical command, I have a job to do. And that is to lovingly submit to my husband as unto the Lord.

I was thinking this through the act of submission, and talking with a sweet friend, and she said, "Isn't it a gift of God's grace that He commands us to submit? I mean, what if he hadn't? We aren't going to always agree with our husbands. And, in those times that we don't, someone has to back down.  It's so gracious of God that He made it clear whose role that is! He saved us so much heartache and fuss by just delineating that for us in His Word." 

She's so right. It is a gift that the Lord outlined our roles. It is a gift that He made a clear pathway for us through conflict.  It isn't easy - but, truthfully, the greater weight is on our husbands, isn't it? They pull a heavy load of responsibility by getting to be the ultimate decision-makers. We are called to follow, and we are covered by the protection of our husbands and the Lord.

I remember reading once that "the good feelings don't always come in the same package as the right answer." I am experiencing that. I know the right answer and I am living it - but I am still heartbroken and in turmoil. The peace hasn't come, yet. But, it will. If the Lord's desire for wives is submission - then He will honor our marriages when we do. 

One thing I found I needed to do was to share honestly with Erik. I needed him to know that I was still struggling. I felt like this decision was a wedge between us because he had set himself so firmly against the desires of my heart, and against what I felt was God's best for our family. I told him that I didn't want to maintain that wedge - but I also didn't know how to break through it. When I gently shared that with him, I think the wedge cracked in two.

So, how do I submit in a way that builds up our marriage? Honesty. Prayer (and not just prayer that he will change his mind!). Reaching out through acts of service (a favorite meal, a back-rub, a pretty nightie pulled out from the dusty recesses of a dresser drawer :) ). I can submit with a hard heart - or I can submit with a soft one.

I can see the Lord's command as a burden, or I can embrace it as a gift.  When you face one of these inevitable times - I pray that reminder will help you, too.  Our story doesn't have an ending yet. I can't tell you the ways God blessed our family because I submitted to hard decision.  But I know that He would not be able to bless us if I chose to disobey His Word. 

So here's to glad submission! Even when it's hard.