This week I passed the 25 week mark in this pregnancy. Our fluttery little one-pound princess is beginning to stretch and push and wiggle, more and more. I feel terrific - but the beginnings of Braxton-Hicks contractions, sore ligaments, and the constant drooping of my jeans :) remind me that I carry a little life with me all the time. I am so thankful.
I don't ever want to take for granted the joy God has given us in our children. I realize more and more with each pregnancy how lightly I need to hold on to these lives... how tender and fragile and miraculous they are.
This week two women I know lost babies in the middle of their second trimesters. I cry for their pain and I ask God, why them? Why not us? Our babies have all been born healthy, vibrant. Why are we so blessed? Sometimes I wish I could trade others' pain and give them what we have been given -- because we have so much already. I love the little girl in my womb with all that is in me, and I would never wish sorrow on our family. But I would take it from another mom. If I could.
It's a strange thing to pray and cry for another person's loss, and then rise up and realize your own life just goes on... I am so sad for those families... but I still swallow prenatal vitamins and count glasses of water as I nourish the heart still beating inside of me. I still pray for her safety and her health. I still smile when she kicks.
I remember feeling that way after a weekend immersed in the homeless culture of downtown Seattle when I was a student there. How does entering into the suffering of those around us change our day to day lives? How can it? I see the homeless, and I go back to my comfortable house with carpets that need vacuuming and bright windows to wash... I read about starving children in Africa, and I still have to plan a menu, grocery shop, pull meat from the freezer to serve for dinner.
We live in a world of brokenness. But we still have to make all the day-to-day decisions and do all the day-to-day tasks.
I don't have profound answers... just thoughts... watching aspens bud and quiver out my window, thinking how God still holds it all together, weaving tapestries of life that we don't understand, braiding together destruction and beauty, bringing brokenness into peoples' lives, and gentle healing and hope amidst it all.
Our blessings - cherishing the life we live and the joys we encounter - God's gifts. And just because these fun pictures from a few weeks ago brighten my post. :) God is good. And we are safe - even when it doesn't feel safe in a world so riddled with heartache. Safe in His love and His sovereignty.